Happy 2018 everyone!
There’s so much to love about a new year. The dreamy potential that 12 new months holds motivates people to take a good hard look at their lives. On this day, individuals make plans to start doing more of what they want and stop doing less of what they don’t want. As a Joy Connector and Life Coach, nothing makes me happier than witnessing people get proactive, clear, and focused on what it is that they most want in life. My passion is to help people make plans for how to manifest their dream life into existence so that you all can make the world a more sane, safe, and happier place to live. The world is in desperate need of your joy right now more than ever as seen by the excess of turbulent political news and natural disasters in the world in 2017. Goal setting is a tool that helps us get closer to the lives that we crave most.
I’m no stranger to goal-setting at the start of a new year and I’ve also been known to make quarterly goals too to help keep me focused in the different seasons throughout the year. In past years, most of my goals have been SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, time-bound) goals as I and many others have been trained to write. The SMART goals were very action- and task-oriented and could easily be checked off on a list. So in the pas, my goals would look something like this:
- travel to [insert country here]
- save [x] amount of money
- see this specific friend or family
- complete house project [x]
These achievement-oriented goals were very satisfying to write and the list would include 20-30 goals in a year. And while achieving these goals did feel satisfying, I also felt exhausted in the process. Yes, I wanted to have my hardwood floors that were giving me splinters in my feet refinished, but at what cost? Calling contractors and having estimates took time and energy. Didn’t I also want to see the friend out of town? And go on the trip abroad? And save a certain amount of money? Making SMART goals was fulfilling my dreams, but also wringing me out energetically in the process. And emptying my bank account too.
In 2016, goal-setting changed for me in a major way. I was introduced to the work of Danielle LaPorte her books: The Desire Map and Fire Starter Sessions. In these books, she talks about making “Goals with a Soul” which can be further discovered by asking the question: “How do you want to feel?” rather than “What do you want to do?” Whoa. This was a revolutionary for me. Asking the feminine-energetic question: “How do you want to feel?” versus the masculine-energetic question: “What do you want to do?” was a whole new way of thinking about my life and where to put my time, energy, and money.
How I wanted to feel became the new focus of my start-of-year goal setting and the name for this work is: Core Desired Feelings or CDFs for short. The idea is that if the Core Desired Feelings are met, productivity will follow in a way that’s energetically in alignment with how one desires to feel. This is good news for us who have been trained to make SMART goals. We don’t have to throw out our SMART goal-making skills. Core Desired Feelings help us determine how we want to feel and allow the goals to follow.
So last year on New Year’s Eve 2016, I sat down and wrote out my Core Desired Feelings The answer to the question of: “How do you want to feel?”. In 2017 my Core Desired Feelings were:
- Calm. Not rushed or frantic.
- Good in my own skin.
- Connected – to my desires, and to my partner, family, friends, & community.
- Trusting of my own intuition.
- Celebratory and lit up in the company of those I love.
The next questions to answer in the process are:
- My major intentions and goals for the year are:
- To fulfill my intentions & goals for 20[xx], I will:
I have to tell you, it felt so good to prioritize FEELING rather than DOING in 2017. Like so many of you, I’m an ambitious, big-dreaming Western woman who’s been trained to aim high and work hard for what she wants. It feels good to achieve. It also feels exhausting and draining and after victoriously checking the item off the list, I’m left wondering why I feel so tired and worn out for days, weeks, and years after the goals are “completed”.
The bigger perspective behind all of this has to do with masculine and feminine energy. Success defined in terms of doing and completion is masculine energy. Success defined in terms of feeling and being is feminine energy. I will write more on masculine and feminine energy in future blog posts, but in simple terms, every person regardless of their biological sex, assigned or chosen gender, has both types of energy that operate within them. I identify as a primarily feminine-energetic human, so approaching the tasks and dreams of life with a masculine approach works in the short-term, but leaves me feeling worn-out and out of energy to do more in the long term.
Core Desired Feelings have set me up to focus first on my innately feminine energy so that I can get the tasks that are most important to be done and have energy left over to do the things I love, spend time with people whom I love, and pursue goals that might require a more masculine-approach in a productive and sustainable way.
And for the record, my 2018 Core Desired Feelings are:
I’m confident that my goals for 2018 will be achieved if they are in alignment with how I want to feel. In 2017 I achieved all of the intentions and goals that I set out for myself. More importantly, I was learning a better and more sustainable way to achieve without burning myself out.
One of my goals for 2018 was to write a weekly blog post. You can expect more writing from me on the topics of productivity, world travel, feminine and masculine energy, cross-cultural complexity, awareness, and how we can be the best versions of ourselves, and so much more. I have a few guest bloggers in mind who are a wealth of information on a variety of topics ranging from fashion, money, academia, and I’m looking forward to having them share their wisdom with you.
If you want to learn more about goal-setting and achievement in a highly productive and sustainable way, Ignite Your Light is perfect for you. In this group coaching experience, we will throw down big goals and go after them in 8 weeks in Winter 2018. We’ll meet for two hours a week where you’ll have access to a sisterhood and a partner to support you in your journey. The gift of your joy and your energy is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself and your people and therefore the world. It’s going to rock so hard and I can’t wait! A few more spaces remain, so let me know if you have any questions about this experience.
Are you inspired to write out your own Core Desired Feelings for 2018? If so, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.
Joy and patience to you!